What Characterizes a Genuine Friendship_

A genuine friendship can occur anywhere, anytime, and at any age, although as we grow, the type of intimacy between two people that is possible changes as a function of brain development and personal experience.

A genuine friendship often starts from a chance encounter between two people and, ideally, is an element of the relationship between lovers, spouses, and family members, including parents and children.

Genuine Friends:

• Feel safe when together
• Trust each other
• Are willing to make self-sacrifices for each other, without expecting anything in return
• Look out for each other
• Stand by each other when the going gets tough
• Do not try to change each other
• Trust each other to do the right thing
• Respect each other’s individual differences
• Care more about their relationship than material gain, personal achievement, personal desires, or, sometimes, personal needs
• Are kind to each other
• Apologize to each other when unkind and strive to repair any damage that may have been done
• Take responsibility for their own emotions rather than blaming them on each other
• Are open to feedback, even when it hurts
• Are polite and respectful toward each other, especially during times of crisis or stress
• Are respectful of each other when they share inner feelings (for example, they don’t yell, shout, belittle, or speak sarcastically toward each other)
• Do not betray their mutual agreements or commitments (for example, by having an affair if in a monogamous relationship)
• Do not bully, threaten, lie, or attempt to manipulate each other to get what they want
• Do not expect each other to be perfect
• Give each other the benefit of the doubt
• Fight fair
• Do not automatically assume each other to be in the wrong when they are in conflict
• Admit to each other their own possible contributions to a conflict or disagreement
• Do not hold grudges
• Work out resentments, conflicts, or misunderstandings when they arise rather than walking away, holding on to them, or hoping they will go away
• Work together to solve problems, without keeping track of who has worked harder
• Respect each other’s opinions
• Give each other time to express their views and openly listen to each other
• Don’t feel self-conscious with each other and can be emotionally uninhibited and loose when together, especially when the context calls for it
• Can drop their guard and relax, and find each other easy to be around
• Look forward to seeing each other
• Protect each other but are also willing to tell each other when they think the other is doing something wrong
• Are open to being wrong about their own opinions
• Revel in and respect their differences rather than expecting to be the same
• Give each other the gift of truth, with kindness, and tell each other what they really think or feel
• See each other as equals
• Are able to tease each other
• Enjoy their time together and miss each other when separated
• Share their successes and failures with each other